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Wednesday, October 14, 2009
It seems, lately, that the easiest parts of my bloggage are the images. Putting together the look of the day (or every other day or, other other day…ok you get it right?) and finding some nice location, choosing poses, windlight settings, angles, the list goes on. Just the process to go from a top here or a pair of pants there, to blog publication, seems to take the longest when it comes to my text. Every once in a while I feel like I am being watched from under a looking glass by someone waiting for the fall. I cannot predict the future, you certainly cant, the only thing I can focus on is the here and now. What I can say is each and every prediction of failure that was tossed my way has been proven wrong so far, so I might just keep living to continue that trend. Even after I have had to pull myself out of my lowest moments, I have found the purest happiness with the people that have chosen to be a part of my life. I cannot express enough how thankful I am for that.  We all go through ups and downs though. I can admit when I am down and blue, and I am extremely glad that there are a few people that put up with those low end mood swings. I also happen to enjoy sharing my ups as well. Often, my downs are not even my own. Being empathetic and overly emotional to begin with, now I am involved with other emotional people and it can cause a bit of chaos within my own mind and spirit. I take in the emotions of others, mingle them with my own and end up convinced I have done some huge wrong to the people around me (if one is in their own down) and kick myself until they are up again. What a pain I am! It can be so extremely annoying for them to hear me asking what I have done wrong, or see me taking in every bit of their own dip in mood as my own, so they are not only dealing with their own…but now mine too. Ugh, I don’t think I can apologize enough for that, really. What I can say is, I am working on it. I am learning every day to differentiate between my own emotions and those of my loved ones, and even further still of those around me. What I need to do, and am trying so very hard to stick with, is making sure they know I am there for them if and when they need me, and letting go until they say they do. I'm far to pushy for my own good, and it only ends in someone wanting to smack me in the head! Luckily, only a couple are close enough to do so, for now.  I am breaking through my old patterns and growing in ways I really didn’t think possible at this point in my life. History has proven I am a ‘pusher’ or even a ‘runner’ when it comes to people and my relationships. The moment I think someone has grown tired of me, I push until they can’t stand it anymore and leave. Or, I disappear myself. It takes a strong person to get through that, see what I am doing and instead of just opening their hands and letting go they tighten their hold. This is exactly what I need, and so few ever realize much less take the chance on me to do it. Its always easier to just walk away, isn’t it? Sometimes, just once in a while, you find someone worth fighting for, and even fighting with, just to get to what tomorrow and the many days that follow. I have this deep eternal hope that in the end, I am worth it. That someone sees what I have to offer and the passion I have for pleasing others and making sure the people I care about are happy. That they see, even when I falter and mess up (and this can be often, much to my dismay) that I am still here…learning, trying, and giving what I can.  The easiest part of the blog is an outfit that I got from Gypsy Soul, well, goodness knows how long ago. I’ve rarely worn most of the things in my inventory so this is another one of those ‘dig deep’ outfits. Hey, it said autumn without having to be orange and brown, best look so far this week! Boots are by Shiny Things, skin by Belleza, hair by Magika and the location is the fabulous Tableau. I love wandering there and finding little spots to take pictures, go wander a bit, it’s a fun sim. I need to log in at some point tomorrow and recheck my poses for this post, and will update once I have. Have a fabulous evening/morning to all, depending on when you read this. I hope you are all in the middle of a great ‘up’ and stay that way this season! To those putting up with me the last week or two…thank you, I love you and I promise…I will somehow make it up to you for the torture! Labels: Avanista, Belleza, Gypsy Soul, Magika, Second Life, Shiny Things, SL, Tableau |
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