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Tuesday, June 16, 2009
 Earlier today I had a very different blog post ready to publish and take whatever repercussion that came my way. I read it, rewrote it, struggled within myself for hours on it, but I knew I wanted to say something. I knew I wanted to make a statement to show people that they are wrong, about me, about Sands, about our relationship, even if they never see it I wanted the chance to say something and have just one single person see it from my eyes. I didn't want my words to seem angry, because I'm not. I didn't want my words to seem forced, because the way I feel and the amazing things that have been happening in my life are far from forced. I didn't want to have those that are closest to me read the post and say 'that isn't our Dina'...but instead, I wanted them to remember what someone just said to me tonight "I know you have good judgment.. even though I don't know him.. I know you." While I understand not everyone will agree with that, it's nice to know there are those who really know me, and some do still have faith in me. So, this is me. Raw, emotional, and hopefully the same as I always have been.  Re-posting this bit, a reminder of how things have been over the last couple of months, because I think it got lost somewhere. I once said, and still maintain..."The world has changed. While it seemed against him, he found me, pulled me in, consumed me, and let my heart mend with his. He let me see myself through his eyes, and saw himself in mine. Even though the words are weak compared to what we have, I love you Sands, I don't care what the world says anymore. We balance each other in ways that most people will never understand. Even if they are looking at me thinking I've gone crazy, or try to pull me away or fill me with doubt, I only see you."  So, maybe the world does think I've gone crazy, or I am a fool, aren't we all when we fall for someone? Don't we all want to hold onto that amazing feeling, where you mean the world to someone and they mean everything to you, and just enjoy it for as long as possible? We always see that within the one we love what others may never see. I took it for granted that the people close to me could see how happy I was and failed to put it out there for others to see as well. That same person said to me "I know he makes you happy.... I can see it, you are so much more alive then you used to be" and I adore her for looking past everything 'out there' to see what simply is.  Sands does more for me than I ever expected, there are the huge things, but also those small things that make me realize he is thinking of me and doing things out of the blue just to please me. The phone calls that last for hours, including when he calls every night and just talks until he falls asleep because its so hard to just...hang up. Not only that, but because he knows I am unable to, he always is the one doing the calling, taking on the massive bill we have accumulated over the weeks because we cant seem to go that long without talking. The fact that he takes care of me in ways I never even asked, and makes sure to always stay close when he knows I need him. I won't ever come here and attack people or even air dirty laundry, I can't bring myself to do it. What I will do is show the things in my life that are making me smile each day, and hope that somehow, somewhere, someone will nod and just understand. Dina's Duds, in every picture except for the last: Clothing all by Pink Outfitters Labels: Avanista, Pink Outfitters, Second Life, SL |
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